The Oddest Birthday II: The Sequel
by The Handsome Blue Beast
Summary: The following story contains plane flights, tropical islands, multiple chase sequences, slapstick comedy, and more or less what you remember from the first one.
1. Waking up in the Morning

Man, its been a while since I've written any fiction of the fan variety. I just had February vacation, so I got working on this. Yes, a kinda pseudo-sequel to the Oddest Birthday. This time Sasuke gets to star, but relax. Naruto and Hinata will still be featured prominently, as well as many other characters which you've grown to love. Enough of my prattle, read on!

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The alarm clock rang brazenly in the still morning air. Sasuke rolled over, fidgeted with the sheets for a minute, and shut the loud machine off. He stretched and scratched his chin before opening the shade and looking out at the morn.

"Stupid morning," he grimaced. Sasuke began his morning routine of taking a shower, being emo, combing his hair, moping about his family, eating breakfast, and checking the mail.

"Bills, bills, fan mail, bills, jury duty...hmm?"

He stopped at the garishly pink envelope, which hurt his eyes to look at. He pulled out a kunai and sliced the letter open, peering inside and seeing two tickets along with a letter. Sasuke pocketed the tickets and read the letter aloud.

"Dear Sasuke-kun, I have managed to buy two tickets to the beautiful tropical island of Afijiji for your birthday! Turn around so we can discuss this?" Sasuke questioned, turning around to see Sakura smiling not 1 foot away from him. He leapt onto his nearby bookcase and tried to catch his breath.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" he panted.

"Hi Sasuke! Do you want to go on the vacation?" she asked, not at all deterred by Sasuke's reaction.

"Can't you at least let me finish my mail?" Sasuke glared, climbing down from the bookcase. Sakura sighed and took a seat on the couch. Sasuke ruffled through the rest of the letters before being blinded again by a rainbow envelope.

"Geez. Who's this from?"

He slashed this one open as well, just to find two tickets and a letter. Sakura wandered over and fumed.

"Oh no she didn't..."

Sasuke decided to read this one aloud too.

"Hi honey-muffin!"

He stopped to hold back the vomit that was crawling up his esophagus and continued.

"I bought two tickets to the gorgeous tropical island of Afijiji just for your special b-day! Come see me in the town center so we can talk about it! With love, Ino."

Sakura glared daggers at the letter, while Sasuke just contemplated. It was his birthday soon, wasn't it? Well, he shouldn't pass up a free trip to the tropics, no matter how annoying the girls were. He could always avoid them when he got to the island. Speaking of girls...

"How did you get in here anyway?" he asked, turning to Sakura.

"Oh, I've stalked you long enough to figure out where you keep the spare key. Third rock on the left!" she grinned, pulling out Sasuke's spare key. He snatched it back and reminded himself to find a new hiding spot.

"So, you are going to go with me, right?" Sakura hopefully asked, clasping her hands and giving Sasuke puppy dog eyes. Sasuke shrugged and opened the door.

"Ino spent a lot of money, so I can't just ignore her..."

"MORNING SASUKE!!"

Sasuke leapt into the air again for the second time that day, this time landing atop the Uchiha hedges. Naruto grinned and waved.

"Ready to train?"

"I hope you two get cancer." Sasuke muttered under his breath. He clambered down from the bush and started walking to the town center. Naruto hopped along beside him like some overly happy dog.

"So, you wanna spar? Huh? Do ya?"

"Sasuke, don't you want to go with me on this trip?"

Sasuke just kept walking, attempting to drown out all of the noise with his emo thoughts. Yeah, those emo thoughts would always comfort him.

After an undisclosed amount of time, the trio were in the town square where Ino was calmly waiting. She frowned at Sakura, then turned back to Sasuke.

"So, do you want to come to the island with me?" she winked.

"No, he wants to come with me." Sakura sneered back.

"Island?" Naruto wondered, exceedingly confused as he usually was. Sasuke sighed.

"These two want to take me to a tropical island for a magical birthday getaway. It doesn't sound so great."

Ino and Sakura stopped leering at each other to pout at Sasuke.

"But Sasuke, we already have tickets! Will you at least look at the flier?" Ino waved the pamphlet in his face. Sasuke reluctantly took it and lazily scanned the pictures. Some nice looking beaches, a fancy hotel, jungle, a five star restaurant...

His eyes darted back to the picture of the restaurant. In the foreground was a chubby chef holding a nice looking shellfish dinner, but it was the background that really interested him. There, clearly serving some people their meal, was Itachi. No mistaking it.

"We're going." he stated, standing up.

"With who?" the girls chimed.

"Both, I don't care. I'm going to go pack my bags." he briskly walked away and left the other three behind.

"Aww man, looks like I have an extra ticket..." Ino whined.

"I'll take it!" Naruto said, hopping up and down.

"Hell no." Ino and Sakura declined. Naruto would totally ruin any vacation. A bit defeated, Naruto shuffled back home. The girls put their heads together for who else to bring.

"What about Shikamaru? I mean he is your teammate..." Sakura suggested. Ino brightened up.

"Yeah! I could make him use his jutsu to paralyze Sasuke so I can rape him!"

"That's...not what I was implying."

In the bushes, Naruto schemed. He hadn't really gone home, just far enough away to not be noticed. He sat crossed legged and put his noodle to work.

"Okay, so they're going to an island. I don't want Sasuke to spend too much time with Sakura. They won't give me the extra ticket. So...um...I should..."

A bird chirped in the distance. Naruto's brain was starting to hurt a little bit.

"Buy my own ticket!" he yelled, leaping up. "Naruto, you're a mastermind." He charged to his house to get his things.

In bushes elsewhere, Hinata watched Naruto run off to his house. She couldn't believe what she just heard. Naruto was going away? For how long? This was worrying her so. She needed to spend her summer with the blonde youth, she just had to! After some deliberation, she decided maybe she should try to get on to this plane as well. Hinata nodded to herself and set off for her own house.

–

Meh, not the best opening chapter I've ever done, but trust me, it gets better once it gets rolling. Review if you feel like it!


	2. Shinobi Airlines

Heya! I'm really sorry about not updating for a bit. My editor went house sitting for a week, and then I was hit by an evil stint of writer's block. But, it's finally here. Enjoy.

--

Sasuke walked through the airport while the two girls and a reluctant Shikamaru followed behind. Choji munched on some chips as he walked along as well. Shikamaru refused to come unless Choji came too. Maybe the Akimichi would help him not be used in a half-baked scheme to rape Sasuke. Ino purchased Choji's ticket and they all put their bags on the belt, where they disappeared into the confines of the airport.

"Hey, wait for me guys!"a cheery voice called out.

"Oh no..." Sakura moaned. They looked back to see Naruto in a hideous orange Hawaiian shirt and bathing suit.

"What makes you think we're going to let you come now?" Sakura asked, crossing her arms in a cross manner.

"I'm paying for myself! So nyah!" Naruto retorted, sticking out his tongue. He swaggered up to the lady at the counter and slapped down a twenty. "One ticket to Afijiji please!" The woman stared at Naruto for a minute, before finally realizing he was serious.

"Sir, tickets cost 800 dollars per person during the holiday season." Naruto nearly fell over backwards in shock.

"I don't have 800 dollars! Are you crazy?" he yelled.

"Why are we using American money anyway?" Choji asked. Shikamaru slapped him in the stomach.

"Shush."

Naruto and the ticket lady continued to argue whilst the others went to their terminal to wait. Sasuke picked up a copy of Home and Garden magazine, and Sakura and Ino argued over who sat next to Sasuke on the plane. Shikamaru sighed and turned to Choji.

"Vacations are way too troublesome."

"What makes you say that?" Choji munched.

"The beaches are always too crowded, the ocean is too salty, you get bad sunburn, and when you get home all of your work is backed up. What's so great about vacation anyway?" Shikamaru finished. Choji turned away, thought for a moment, and then turned back smiling.

"Girls in bikinis."

Shikamaru thought, then shrugged and decided Choji was kinda right. Back at the ticket counter, Naruto was still trying to bargain his way on.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeease?"

"Sir, you're holding up the line." the lady told him. She leaned around him and yelled, "next!"

"Umm...hello..."

Naruto turned around to see Hinata standing behind him.

"Oh, hey Hinata. What are you doing here?" He asked. Hinata blushed.

"I...I was going to go on vacation..." Naruto crossed his arms and nodded.

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to do, but this jerk won't let me on."

"I'm just doing my job sir." the ticket lady twitched, growing ever more annoyed with this kid.

"Umm...I'll pay...for both tickets..." Hinata offered, putting a huge sum of cash onto the counter.

"Seriously? You're so awesome Hinata!" Naruto gave her a quick hug, and ran off to the terminal to go rub his ticket in his friend's faces. Hinata turned as red as a beet and followed behind.

Elsewhere, at a certain base in a certain undisclosed location behind a certain door, a certain snake like man was bored.

Orochimaru let out a long sigh... "Sasuke isn't here to entertain me, Kabuto won't entertain me, even the sound five won't entertain me. Looks like it's just you and me HBO."

With a click, he turned on the television and slumped back in his big poofy chair. He let out another long depressed sigh.

"Tony Soprano, what would _you _do if you were in my shoes?" The television answered with three resounding bangs from a gun.

"Well, yes, killing usually solves most of my problems, but not this time." Orochimaru's eyes began to glaze over when the station switched to a commercial for a vacation deal. That's what he needed! A vacation! Orochimaru ran over to his bags and began packing. Kabuto then thrust open the door, the light shining off his glasses epically.

"Sir! I have important information!" Orochimaru just waved at him.

"Sorry Kabuto, it'll have to wait. I'm going on vacation! Watch the base for me while I'm gone, kay? Thanks."

Orochimaru then picked up his bags and left. Kabuto paused, then crumpled up the paper and flopped down on the bed. "Whole base huh?" He watched the ceiling fan for a second.

"Party Time!" He as he pumped his fist into the air.

Meanwhile, at an awards ceremony in Konoha Technodrome (which is the improved upon version of the Konoha Megadome) Asuma was announcing the winners.

"And the winner for Rookie Team of the Year goes to..." He slowly opened the envelope as the audience held it's collective breath.

"Team 8!"

Kiba jumped in the air and gave his mother and sister a hug, while Shino just nodded to his father and shed a silent tear for his lost mother sniffle before the two went up to the stage. Kiba snatched the gold ninja from Asuma before swaggering up to the microphone.

"I'd like to thank Akamaru, Mom, my sis, umm, Shino I guess, and Purina brand Dog Chow for sponsoring us. Peace!" He flashed the crowd some hand signs and was about to go off stage when Asuma grabbed his collar.

"Hold on there boy. Where's Hinata?" Kiba looked around for the girl, but she was indeed nowhere to be seen.

"I don't know. She musta skipped or something."

"We can't give you the award until you have all your team members assembled."

"What?" Kiba roared angrily.

"Sorry. That's the rule."

After the ceremony was over, Kiba glowered by the punch bowl whilst Shino stood next to him.

"I'm telling you Shino, that girl is more trouble than she's worth sometimes. Once I find her I'll..."

"She went on vacation." Shino answered, letting his bugs sipple on the sugary juice.

"Are you serious?" Kiba angrily spat. Shino looked at him for a second. "Dumb question." Kiba sighed. "Come on Shino, we've got to get to the airport before the flight takes off!"

**(LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME FOR A...SCENE CHANGE!!!!!)**

"One ticket please." Orochimaru politely asked the ticket lady. He was shoved out of the way by Kiba, who looked pretty pissed.

"Ma'am, what flight goes to Afijiji?"

"Erm, flight 208..." she replied. Kiba nodded a thank you and grabbed Shino, running through the airport. Orochi dusted off his giant purple bow and shook his head.

"Sometimes I worry about today's youth, though they are tender and supple." He licked his lips with his enormous tongue. The ticket lady stared at him with her mouth hanging open and nearly didn't give him the ticket on account of creepy-ness.

Kiba raced through the crowd as he overheard the intercom say "Flight 208 now boarding."

"Crap! Come on Shino! Let's roll!"

Kiba, followed by a less than enthusiastic Shino, somersaulted through the X ray machine to skip the line, and ran into the terminal. The woman who took tickets was about to close the tape when they slipped pass and onto the plane. Orochimaru waved at them from his first class seat.

"How did you get here before us?" Kiba panted.

"Teleportation. I am a ninja."Orochimaru sneered. Kiba ignored him and continued to the back.

Hinata, who was very happy about sitting next to Naruto, was quite surprised to see her teammates come onto the plane.

"K-Kiba! Shino! W-what are you two doing here?"

"We came to pick you up. Come on, we've got to go pick up our award." Kiba was about to take Hinata off the plane when the plane took off itself. The dog boy rolled back into the rear of the plane before crashing into a stewardess. He crawled back up to where his friends were sitting.

"I thought planes took forever to take off..." he groaned.

"Not ninja airplanes." Naruto reminded him. "Now just grab a seat Kiba! We're all going on vacation! I guess. Bit of a strange turn of events that we're all here, huh?"

"It is a bit weird. And where am I supposed to get a seat? The plane's full!"

"Shino got a seat." Shikamaru pointed out. Shino sat quite comfortably behind Hinata.

"How did you get that seat?" Kiba squawked.

"It's better if you didn't know." Shino said, the aisle lights glistening menacingly off of his glasses.

"Hey, Kiba, take my seat." Sasuke waved. Ino and Sakura, who were each sitting next to him, looked mighty depressed.

"But Sasuke, where else are you going to sit?" Sakura whined

"First class."

"But it's full!" Ino stated. Sasuke leaned into the aisle and threw a kunai forward. There was a resounding thud and scream.

"Not anymore." he scooted out past Ino and grabbed his bags from the overhead bin. "Don't forget to close your bin Naruto." he reminded his teammate. He gave the limp body to the flight attendant to deal with.

"No problem!" Naruto waved. Kiba grabbed his seat and everyone sat in for a long haul.

Sasuke was quite pleased with his decision to move to first class. It was so much less stuffy up here, the champagne was exquisite, and the steamed cow babies were delicious. The only problem was the guy sitting behind him was snoring something awful. Oh well, he always had headphones.

...But even that wasn't helping. Hours of snoring, hours upon hours. Sasuke was wondering what was taking this flight so long. He was considering waking him up to stop it. Suddenly the snoring stopped.

"Thank god..." he sighed. Sasuke leaned back on his chair when it began to jar. He couldn't believe it! This guy was kicking his seat!

"I'm so _bored..._" Orochimaru complained. "I hate plane rides." He said to himself as he continued to kick the seat.

"Hey, could you stop?!" Sasuke said sharply as he turned around to face the man who had been making his life miserable for the last few hours.

"Sasuke-kun!" Orochimaru squealed with glee. "I didn't know that was you sitting in front of me! Are you going on vacation too?"

"Oh god it's him..." Sasuke thought.

"Yeah I guess, just stop and leave me alone okay?" he said angrily as he put his head phones back on.

Orochimaru sighed, upset at being so quickly rejected.. He sat there for a while and then went back to kicking the seat.

Sasuke turned and shot a death glare back at him.

Orochimaru stopped until Sasuke turned back around again. He then proceeded to stick his long tongue between the seats so it was wiggling right in front of Sasuke's face.

"That is IT!" Sasuke yelled, standing up. "I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS MOTHERF#CKING SNAKE ON THIS MOTHERF#CKING PLANE!" Sasuke grabbed Orochimaru by his large purple bow and before he could utter a word of protest Sasuke flipped open the door and tossed Orochimaru out of the aircraft. Everyone stared at him as he closed the door.

"What? You all want some too?!" Sasuke panted. Everyone promptly went back to whatever they were doing. Around a half hour later, the pilot came over the intercom and announced they would be landing shortly.

"Sweet!" Kiba barked. "I can't wait to get on the beach!" Shino internally twitched. How quickly the doggy boy forgot about awards. "Too bad airplanes take forever to land."

"Actually, we're about to land on the runway." Shikamaru observed.

"What? How did we land so fast?" Kiba asked.

"Ninja airplane." Naruto reminded him again. The plane bounced off the tarmac twice before slowing down. The first bump jiggled Naruto's bag to the edge of the overhead compartment, which he never closed. The second bump sent it right over the edge, right onto Hinata's head. She was out like a light.

"Naruto! You knocked her out! What the heck is in the bag?" Sakura yelled, kneeling down to help Hinata.

"Just some training weights and ramen." he shrugged, not showing as much concern as he perhaps should.

"Geez Naruto! Sasuke told you to close that! You okay?" Sakura asked. Hinata just smiled and cooed...

"Naruto-kuun..."

Everyone immediately leapt back and sweated. _She_ wasn't back, was she?

"Ow..." Hinata moaned, holding her head and looking embarrassed. "I-I'm okay." Everyone sighed.

"Wait, what were we so worried about anyway?" Choji munched. The group wondered as well as they got off the plane in a nice orderly fashion, catching up with Sasuke. Shino grumbled at the lack of continuity.

Unfortunately, no one saw Hinata's left eye twitch.

(Twitch)

--

She's baaaack...kinda.

This Oddest Birthday is more about Sasuke, so crazy arse Hinata is going to be more of a sidestory kind of thing. Don't want to kill the joke, do I?

Once again, sorry about the delay. And my e-mail is being a jerk, so don't PM me just yet. I'll fix it up.

See you around!


	3. Red Dawn Hotel

Hi guys! This chapter was ready on Saturday, but thanks to work and my internet going on the fritz, I couldn't get it up. But, it's here, and this is the first chapter I'm rather proud of. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

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The intrepid group walked out of the airport, their arms full of bags and other belongings. The sun shown brightly in the tropical sky, and some seagulls cawed far off. Ino hailed some taxis, and soon they were heading to the hotel.

"This place is gorgeous!" Sakura wowed. "Lush jungles, clear water, a huge dormant volcano, it's just amazing!"

"I'm more interested in the beaches." Ino sighed. Even if, by some weird happenstance, Sasuke wasn't going to pay attention to her, she was sure that there were some hunks on the sands. All that Sasuke was thinking about was finding his brother and shoving a kunai in his throat.

In car two, Naruto, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, Choji, and Shikamaru squeezed together. Ino flatly refused to pay for three taxis, and she wasn't about to let these people ugly up her ride.

"Stingy jerk." Kiba mumbled, trying to push Choji out of his way. Then a thought hit him.

"Hey, did she rent rooms for us?"

"I've got a room." Shikamaru said, "since Ino and Sakura got rooms for two. Though, if anyone wants to share a room with Ino, I'll gladly give it up." No one raised their hands.

"We're here!" The taxi driver said, pulling up to the building. It was a fairly impressive hotel, standing 30 stories high and built out of marble. The others got out of the taxi in front of them, and after a minute everyone was in the lobby.

"Welcome to the Red Dawn hotel, yeah!" the cheery blonde receptionist smiled. "We'll cater to your every whim, or else!"

"Or else what?" interjected Kiba.

"We get fired! My name's Deidara, your friendly and androgynous receptionist! Now, you all have reservations, right, yeah?" Ino and Sakura proudly displayed their tickets, while most of the boys just looked at the ground.

"Are there any rooms left?" Naruto whined.

"Nope, yeah."

"DID SOMEONE SAY YOUTH?"

Everyone was bowled over by the exclamation, and the potted plants Deidara had on his counter fell over.

"My plants! Yeah!"

"That couldn't be..." Shikamaru moaned. They got up to see Gai sensei, in his full speedo glory, proudly standing in lobby. The sun reflected off his teeth like a thousand polished mirrors, and the coconut oil that had been generously applied over his body was dripping to the floor. He removed his sunglasses, throwing them behind him in an epic fashion.

"N-no one said youth..." Hinata stuttered, a bit frightened.

"Really? I guess my ears are so youthful sometimes they hear _themselves_. Now, you seem to be in a room quandary?"

"Yes. There are no rooms left." Shino explained.

"Then you may bunk with TEAM GAI!" he shouted, bowling everyone over again. Deidara sobbed as his plants toppled to the floor once more. "Tenten helped us get the presidential suites, so there is more than enough room! Even so, Tenten said she gets one all to herself, so you girls must use the rooms you already have."

"Tenten was useful?" Choji asked incredulously.

"I know! I was surprised too!" Gai smiled. "Now excuse me, for I must TAN!" Deidara just threw his hands in the air in frustration as the plants fell over again. Gai strutted out of the hotel, which wasn't the best thing due to the speedo.

"I..saw...everything..." Ino whined.

"All right, we've got rooms!" Naruto cheered.

"And suites at that!" Kiba yahooed. "That means we have the best rooms in the hotel! But now we have to get our bags upstairs..."

"No problem, yeah! I'll just call the bag boy." Deidara pressed the calling button and grinned. "It'll just be a minute." Sasuke fixed up his hair and walked away.

"Where are you going Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"To find Itachi. Now I don't have to worry about rooms. Watch my bags." And with that he was gone. Just as he turned the corner, the other remaining Uchiha came from the other hallway with one of those golden trolley things. Itachi's little square hat sat lopsided on his head.

"Itachi! What are you doing here?" Naruto gasped. Deidara was offended that everyone was upset that Itachi was here, but everyone was fine about his presence.

"I'm working. This is my summer job." Itachi promulgated. He loaded the bags onto the cart and went over to the elevator.

"Hey, I'm going after Sasuke. Here Choji, I'll just share a room with Sakura and Hinata. You can have my room." Ino tossed Choji the card key and ran after Sasuke. Sakura twitched angrily, but knew there was nothing she could do until she was all unpacked.

At the elevator doors, Itachi pressed the button. There was some sickening crunching sounds, followed by groans and some screaming.

"Is that norma-" Kiba began, but was interrupted by the sudden torrent of blood that came out of the elevator when it opened. It just seemed to keep coming. Sakura tried to stand up against the onslaught, but an organ smacked her in the face and she was knocked down. Everyone just sat there, dripping gore and unpleasantness.

"Oh my god, the hotel is haunted!" Naruto yelled. Itachi sighed and looked up through the emergency exit in the elevator.

"Hidan, get out of there."

"Oh man, jamming my body into the elevator engine to please my god was an awesome idea. Call me genius Itachi."

Without warning, Kakuzu burst out from behind a chair and started using his powers to sew Hidan back up.

"Goddamn it, you stupid partner, always cutting your goddamn self up like a goddamn masochist. Where the hell is your liver?"

"On the blonde haired kids lap."

Kakuzu snatched the organ from Naruto, and many disgusting sound effects and adjectives later, Hidan was whole. Kakuzu grabbed him by his neck and kicked him out the door.

"STAY OUT THERE AND DO YOUR GODDAMNED JOB!" the Akatsuki yelled. He turned back to the disturbed looking teenagers.

"I do apologize. Some of our staff here at the Red Dawn hotel are a bit...loose in the head. But I assure you, your stay here will be a pleasant one."

Shino felt something rubbing against his leg, and looked down to see an orange masked man in a chef's outfit. The man looked up at the curious Shino, and proclaimed

"Tobi's a good kitty! Mew!"

"TOBI!" Kakuzu shrieked. He snatched the weird boy off the ground and threw him at Deidara.

"He's your responsibility! Make sure he stays in the kitchen!"

"Yeah yeah..." Deidara moaned, dragging Tobi to the kitchen.

"Was Tobi a good kitty Deidara senpai?"

"Sure Tobi."

One short elevator ride later, on the 27th floor, Sakura, Hinata, Shikamaru, and Choji got off. Itachi showed them their rooms, and put their bags down. Shikamaru and Choji had the room way at the end of the hallway, while the girl's were closer to the exit. The elevator doors almost closed when a hand shot in and dragged Naruto out.

"Wah! Hinata?"

Hinata, with a crazed look in her eye, took Naruto into the janitors closet and thrust him up against the wall.

"Being soaked in blood is such a turn on. Wouldn't you agree, Naruto-kun?"

"Erm, Hinata...what the heck are you doing?" Naruto asked, backing up as far as he could. Hinata snuggled closer and licked Naruto's cheek.

"That's for me to know, and for you to find out." she whispered maliciously. Naruto gulped.

At that instant, the door opened and a blue haired Akatsuki opened the door. She (or he) looked very surprised, and slowly picked up the mop before closing the door again. The appearance of another seemed to bring Hinata back to reality, and she blushed before running out of the closet. Naruto sweat dropped, and went back to the elevator.

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Gotta love the Akatsuki. And you guys didn't think I'd try to write a humor fic without Team Gai? They practically write the material themselves!

In closure, I hope you caught the Shining reference. And I was surprised that promulgated was actually a word. See you next chapter!


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